something's missing.

I like Him. But something's missing. I don't feel the spark i used to feel when i first saw him. Maybe's that's cos I barely see him anymore. I hate how the timing is always off. I hate how i miss him. I hate how I get so damn happy when things remind me of him, but yet so sad that I don't get to see him, himself. I hate how it's fading. But i don't want it to. That's why i always remind myself why i first fell for him. Honestly, I, myself, don't even know what the hell that is. Everything's so confusing. I don't wanna just throw all this away. All the freaking effort and time i put into this vague imagination, I don't want this emotion to stop what's been doing to me for so long. There's been plenty of signs telling me to let it go. Like today, everyone was there, except for his stupid ass. But NL kept on telling, me 'oh they don't hang out together ALL the time' but he would usually go on such an amazing day like today. &today, me and NL were talking about how he's not a total dick.. lol. She said that even if he was, he wouldn't be nice enough to say 'happy birthday' to me LOL. but everyone says happy birthday!
I hate how i always set my expectations and hopes up so damn high. Eventually, everything will come crashing down on me. In the end, that's always going to happen. But being the optimistic person I am, I have to do that. Setting hopes high and pretending it will happen, is basically what's keeping me all together. Without all of that tape, i would just be some lifeless rag doll, waiting to be thrown away.




He's missing.