Living in this facade

Honestly, I feel like I need a therapist. I've been feeling so down and nonchalant for the past few weeks. I don't know what the fuck happened to me. I try to be happy, but I don't even remember how happiness feels like anymore.

That moment when you forget what happiness felt like.

I finally got my tragus pierced yesterday. It didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. But while the man was doing it, I was thinking about other things that would hurt a lot more, not just physically but mentally.
That's when I realized, physical pain is nothing compared to mental pain.

I don't bring my phone with me everywhere anymore 'cause I know no one's going to hit me up.

I want to cry, but these tears aren't going to change anything. Whatever I do, nothing's going to change. What's done is done, and I can only live with the consequences.
I'm such a fucking failure and disappointment. I hate myself for this. Whatever I do to make it right, it'll never happen.

I'm such a fucking disappointment.
I hate myself for letting this happen. There's really no point of me being here if all I do is disappoint people

Sometimes I think my family would be better off if I wasn't here. I feel like such a burden on them. There's no point in staying here if I'm not welcomed.

This temporary distance in the summer will be amazing for me. Hopefully I can hold up for 20 more days until I leave.

I hate everybody.

I just want to take a hit and forget everything. Even if it's for a short period of time, I'd do anything to get away from this.
Friends, family.. I thought those were the people who would be there for you, no matter what. Well, what the fuck happened to that?

Why am I so sad.. this constant let-down is causing me to permanently stay like this. Words cannot describe how tired I am of pretending to be happy, when most of the time, I'm not. I feel like my friends aren't even real friends. I feel like they only treat me as a backup, and that fucking hurts. I feel like people keep on neglecting me. I have no one to turn to anyone. I lost all my fucking friends.
But whatever. 'Fuck bitches, get money.'

FUCK YOU OMG. IM BETTER THAN THAT. THE FACT THAT YOU THINK YOUR OWN DAUGHTER IS FUCKING LIKE THAT IS UNBELIEVABLE. FUCK YOU.

I HATE YOU.
What you're trying to do is only going to push me farther away.
Fuck. I'll fucking prove you wrong.

I really need a stoge right now. Holyfuck. I hate you guys so much.

This will be my year.

2011 is going to be amazing, I can tell.
Letting all the grudges, problems, and bullshit go. I don't need any of that this year.