Just 'cause one of the people you're closest to is of the opposite sex, doesn't mean you like them. Get your facts straight, please.

Tonight was a good night :)
I love my girls :) The only three who I can have the most fun with, and be able to laugh hysterically for the longest time. I love Girl's Night Out :)

I regret pushing everyone away. Now, I have no one.

I don't want to pretend that I'm happy anymore. I'm tired of living behind this facade.

What I'm going through right now, is pretty similar as to what someone who's trying to quit weed is going through.
The constant want, the munchies, the breakdowns, and the distant with loved ones.

I'm not part of the 'group' anymore. I keep to myself now, mainly 'cause I just have way too much on my mind.
I would pick schoolwork over them, any day. But that's kinda sad, 'cause all this time, I thought they were my true friends. I guess I was wrong. But fuck it, I don't care. 'Cause of what happened, I now can tell the difference between the real and fake.

Why do I have the feeling that I'm going to like you all over again? -_-

Ugh, I can't take this shit anymore. I'm on the edge. I'm forreal about to break down and start crying. I'm such an emotional wreck right now, and I don't know what to do about it.
I need a stoge.

I'm so glad that the stress is finally starting to fade away. I was so freaking close to that stoge, but I'm really grateful that I didn't do it. Who knows what would've happened- would I have gotten addicted, or have an asthma attack? Good thing I held on a little longer, and didn't find out. I'm so glad that stress is finally leaving. I was forreal going to do it a day later. I guess God was there to look over me. Thanks<3.
But I hate how I would always have the urge to do it.. like even in school. Weird.

Let's just hope that I'm able to start 2011 fresh, and not have as many problems as I have now.


I hope no one reads this.

I told myself that this time, I wasn't going to fall for him again.
So what the fuck happened? Why the hell am I feeling this way again.. What the fuck.

I dislike everyone in my school.

Except for legit three/four people. That's kinda sad.
SC,NW,TC*

Change.

Honestly, I miss freshmen year. I miss how we used to be so close. Now, after you went out with him, everything changed. You said that we were 'best friends'. That's why you didn't tell me about all the shit that happened, right? You knew that I was friends with him before you started going out with him, so why the hell are you judging me and shit?
Honestly, I hate how you've turned out. Basically throwing yourself at any guy out there. But fuck it, I don't care anymore. It's your life, and you can do anything you want. Right now, I just don't want to be part of it anymore. All of the unnecessary bullshit is mad fucking dumb. The things you do just piss me the hell off now.

I have certain friends who I can only tell certain things to. 'Cause if the rest of the beans are spilled, then judging is going to be a reflex.

I feel like I have no true friends- none. No one I can trust 100% anymore. Except for two people, but they're both guys. And I can never vent to guys the same way I vent to girls, 'cause they've never been through what I have. Girls would understand the situation clearer. I would feel like guys would think of me as the person who worries too much. So here I am on Blogspot, my last resort of a place to vent.

I feel like my parents play a huge role in my stress. Not saying it's their fault, though. They just care I guess.. but I feel like it's too much. They care to the point where I don't even have enough breathing space for myself.

I feel like a burden to my parents.

I don’t do that great in school, I rebel, I come home late-ish which causes them to worry, I disappoint them, I’m moody, they don’t really trust me, and I feel like I’m a waste of their money. I can’t do shit right, I make too many mistakes, and I complain a lot.
I’m sorry mom and dad. But I promise, I will succeed when I get older. Just watch me.

If another bad thing happens tonight, I swear I'm gonna start crying like a little bitch for the whole night.
I'm on the edge, and I can barely take it anymore.

Nine days. I swear, sometimes it sucks liking/being hella close to someone who's shy, 'cause I can be pretty shy too. So it's like 'mm, so who's gonna start the conversation today?' The amount of times are neutral, but I hate being the first one to start the conversation in general, lol.

No matter how hard I try, I'm still not passing my classes.
My grades are improving, but it's still not hitting that 65.. oh my fucking god. If I fuck up junior year, I will never forgive myself.

I hate this stress so much. Honestly, I'm thinking about starting.. That's the only way I can think of that's going to relieve my stress. Ughhh fuck junior year.

My mom just walked into my room and said, "why does it smell like smoke?"
oh fuck.. LOL.

The immensity of hatred I have towards you right now is just too overwhelming. But fuck you, you're not worth my time nor my tears.

Honestly, I don't know why I call my best friend, a best friend anymore.
/vent

There's a get-together event that's being thrown tonight by the asian group in my school. I ended up canceling on them last minute. Part of me felt like I didn't fit in with them, and I knew I didn't. The other part of me, though, wanted to go. Part of me wanted to be carefree and just live the night up. But whatever, I feel like I've made the right choice by not going. I hope they're all having fun, though.

You don't know my condition, nor what I'm going through.
So don't go running your mouth like you do- like you're capable of manipulating everyone. Like forreal, get the fuck out. No one needs people like you here.

These memories hurt. They keep on reminding me of how stupid and stubborn I was, to see what was really going on. I feel so stupid for not giving a fuck and just going with my heart and having little, but false hope. Although it was a dumb of me to do, along the way, there was a brighter side to this sad story. And that, is what I'm grateful for. That, is what I'm looking forward to. I'll try not thinking about the past, but it's gonna be a tough one to do.
Although we're just real good friends now, those butterflies? Yeah, they're still here.

This shall be my personal blog

where I can actually talk about things and people wouldn't really know about it. Except for a few.

Good bye Blogspot, Hello Tumblr :)

el oh ve ë

Last term when I had psychobiology, I had to write an essay about what love was. I wrote around three pages of nonsense talking about this broad feeling, yet I'm still clueless. Just sayin'.
"Falling in love seems like the easiest thing to do. It's the most exciting thing and the most powerful. That's why falling out of love feels like hell. Falling in love; there's nothing better, it's the best it ever gets."

'Sometimes I wish I could stop time like a photograph.' said by jacoballan 8)

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

Sometimes I feel like the most best friend in the whole wide world. While other times I feel like I'm the worse, bitchiest, most douche-bag of a person ever.

These bitches gotta learn how to stop talking before I throw a bottle at their eye.
She arguing with me like I'm her boyfriend. Like seriously, save all the drama for him, cos he's the one who you usually have a bitch fit with, not me. How you gonna go tell me what I'm capable of doing and not doing. You don't know me. And the one who knows what I'm the most capable of doing is me, myself. So shut your little snotty ass mouth and hop off.

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Nancywoo 11:47 pm LMFAO
Nancywoo 11:47 pm what a bitchass
Nancywoo 11:47 pm stay away from my booger
^lol sound mad cute, no? And booger is the name of her camera :)

I just had the most illest talk about college and and all that good stuff with my brother and rents. This motivation is going to drive me to new grounds, hopefully. John Hopkins/BU/Bing/Stony, here I come<3
Oh shit, idk what college I wanna go to :/ I dislike being so indecisive at times, smh

Hard work+sacrifice= Success

It's tough working for a grade, but that's how the education 'game' goes.

Hard work + Sacrifice = Success. This phrase is my motivation to do better in school. High school is tough, but I gotta feeling that college is going to be 10x as tough as this. So I'm applying for AP classes, and I'm getting pretty scared that I won't get into one with the grades I have right now. I really need a tutor for chem and geometry. I'm supposed to do better this term, not worst :/. I really hope I pass chem with at least an 80. Sigh, time to suck up to the teacher, lol
So I'm going to be MIA for a while, cos I needa bring up these grades. And then the regents come along and what not. Goodbye, social life.

Reminise

I haven't really walked ct for a while now. I miss Manhattan a whole bunch. Sometimes I regret going to a Brooklyn high school, but I would never fail to remind myself at how many new and amazing people I have met from chilling in Brooklyn so often. I made a promise to myself that whenever I'm in Manhattan, I would make some time to chill with my Manhattan friends that day.
So I went to Chinatown after school with Harry, Ronald, Kevin, and Leo. Shit was mad weird LOL. So they were like, go wherever, and I decided to [ditch them] and chill with Sandra for a while since she called me up, whatever. Afterwards, I met up with Jacalan! Hah, I love chilling with this gerrrl :) she's like mad fun to hang out with and err'thang. So yeah, we saw Lisa and we chilled in Columbus for a while. We chatted and all that good stufff. Hah, sometimes I just wish I went to some Manhattan HS instead. But whatev's.

------------

Finally chilled with this Wagner heads todayy :) Gosh I love those kids<3 had an amazing time with them :) Me and Jennar had a sorta "heart to heart" convo while walking to her place and walking Neo. Ahaha, damn, I miss having those convos with her =) and I love Neo! He's mad cutee. But I think he either peed on or licked my knee, lol :(. Cos when I was talking to Jennar, he was on top of me, sorta. And when we begun to walk again, I felt a wet spot. And I think I'm allergic to him, :(

I think part of the reason why I like Manhattan so much more than Brooklyn is because of the different type of people. Don't get me wrong, I love Brooklyn people, but sometimes I need something else, something different.

Broke, and in debt. Thas' the life

I hate it when people are mad at me. I guess that's why I give in so easily.
I also hate it when people make the easiest things so complicated.
But I definitely despise it when one of your closest friend's turns out to be a total douche bag.

So I finally found out who spilled the beans. I mean, it's all old news and whatever, but I was so dumbfounded when I was told it was her. Like out of all people, I wouldn't even consider her one of the people who would say something. Plot twist much? ahha. But whatever, I'm over it. I mean like, no one even likes her anymore; she's like a complete different person from when I first met her. Honestly, in my opinion, she craves for attention and is a complete asshole to her old friends and everything. Hah, I was basically the only person who stood up for her and everything when this was all going on. Really appreciate the thanks, bitchass.


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asdfghjkl; today's the last day of spring break! :(
Next legit day off is May 31.. oh goody.
Around two more months of sophomore year, then junior year, wooh! Still can't wait for summer 8)

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Zhuface 5:43 pm: im mad
Zhuface 5:43 pm: tired
Zhuface 5:43 pm: babies
Zhuface 5:43 pm: everywhere
Zhuface 5:43 pm: screaming
ANNAAA 5:43 pm: LMAO
Zhuface 5:43 pm: cant do hw
i love this chick =) and I found this pretty funny lol

April

First day of April♥. Summer, you're almost here!
I have to say, I spent the first day of this month pretty swell =). So I went to the beach with the Midwood Heads. We've been planning to go since the last time we went lol. It turned out to be pretty fun, sorta. Well they were playing volleyball a lot, and I don't like volleyball. So me and Joey were just chilling I guess lol. We eventually played Dare and spinning the bottle and all that good stuff. We didn't even do any hardcore dares :[ how boring. But whatever, it was a great way to start off the month =)

So today was also April Fool's day. While we were in the water, me, Melinda, and Leslie found a horseshoe crab. But it was dead :/ So we decided to do this prank, were we would drag it all the way to where they were playing volleyball. We eventually did; we put it behind William LOL. So he sorta steps on it, turns around, and spazzes LMAO. Shit was hilarious. But they all started getting scared and was like, "it's a stingray! it's poisonous!" And the three of us and Sandra are just standing there, like wow, you serious? They overreact on the smallest things! They end up cracking it's shell& burying it. Sigh.. Sheapshead kids..LOL
Nevertheless, it was an amazing day =) haven't really had one of these days in a while.

Soaking up the rainy day with knowledge.. how refreshing.
So I'm spending the beginning of my amazing Spring Break with doing homework and all that good stuff. Hah, but I'm trying to avoid doing my papers. Darn sophomore year.
Now, I can't wait until the Summer. Japan, babyy =)

hah.

To believe me that I'm fine, and that everything's okay, you must really not know me then.
You're supposed to be one of my closest friend's. For you to not realize that I'm still not over that phase, you must really not know me. Cos almost everyone else can see it. But not you. Maybe you do, but hey, what can I do. You won either way. I'm just so disappointed at how you gave yourself the victory, and not even consider how much I myself, needed it. Don't you worry, I'll manage to live. And hey, what can I do, it's your life, and you can do whatever you want with it. Just know that when the time comes, I can just be a bitch enough to do the same to you.
It's pretty safe to say that Karma found you, and bit you pretty hard in the ass.

fuck school

This semester is getting me tight.
I hate it when people make something such a big deal, when it's really not. I hate how they can't take an apology when it was obviously and accident. And I really fucking hate how they call me up to the dean's and have a dumbass chat about it. But in the end, I find it really really really pointless and stupid. The person ends up being made fun of by the dean, and I get a warning. I find that whole process to be a joke. But I hate how I was having a debate in class, and end up not having a grade on my speech, which is like 75% of my grade. Thanks, you ignorant and obnoxious person. Grow a pair, seriously. I got hit with an aceball in the eye. A bottle and you go crying to your pops? Real fucking manly.
I also hate my report card with a passion. I'm taking around four regents this June, and I'm basically failing three out of the four classes that are preparing me for it. I'm not going to hang out anymore, I'm not going to go on Facebook anymore, and I'm not going to have a social life anymore :[ except for Friday-Sunday. Omg, how am I going to get a 94 avg with grades like these.. fuck.

Friends

I have to say, I freaking love these girls.
030510; Dance the night away♥
Friends are supposed to be there for you, when no one else is. I guess I'm pretty lucky to have those amazing people in my life.

Go.

"Just get up and go, take a chance and be strong
or you could spend your whole life holding on.
Don't look back just go, take a breath, move along
or you could spend your whole life holding on."
- Boys Like Girls♥
I finally got the guts to let go, and to tell you the truth, the outcome isn't always so pretty.

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So, I've always had a thing for art. It was kinda like a passion, ever since I was in kindergarten. You would find me painting 24/7, even if i was just five years old. Painting turned into drawing, and drawing turned into a whole lot of other things, like coloring, writing, etc. I absolutely love writing; I'm not that good at it, but when I started, was pretty good for a person my age, lol. After eighth grade, I stopped writing for a while, and went to bubble letters, fun. But now that I have motivation and such, I've gained back my purpose of writing, and I'm doing more and more of it; whether it's doodling or for people. Others may say that music is their life, but Art is mine.

this is the past.

Honestly, I still care. Every little aspect about it.



I went to my first opera last night; Il Barbiere di Siviglia. To be honest, it was pretty amazing(: Had a great time with the Midwood Heads. And I didn't fall asleep!
It was a memorable night; and finally got home at 4:30 in the morning- ahha don't ask why

fucking happy

Life's fucking great!
Okay I lied. But it's getting better =)
I swearrr, i love my besties ko(ol) kid and Woohoo. Lmao but I hate how they can flipping read me like a boook.
Pluss, I got my schedule changed<3 for the billionth time lmao. things are getting better and better (: mlia
Oh yeah, I think brownface(LOL 1st thing that came to mind) is tryna fuck me over.. tryna get with one of my best friends? Hah, real fucking classy. But whatever, do whatever you want, not like I care anymore =). LOL ZhuAnimal says my inner blackness comes out when I talk like that.
Shit, where would I be in life, if I didn't have my amazing friends beside me?

KiD CuDi

"And no sappy thoughts in my head
I feel like I'm peter pan minus the tights and purse
Happy to see how far I've come to the same place it began
My dreams, imagination perfectly at peace
So I move along a bit higher"
I swear, Kid Cudi is a genius.

PS: I still think about you, even if i try not to. I have to say, you have made a huge impact in my life, surprisingly. Because of you, I'm a changed person, even if I like it or not. And to tell you the truth, I deeply despise the changed me. It kinda surprised me how someone like you, could change someone like me, with barely doing anything. I'm going to try to stay away from people like you, cos if i don't, the same thing is going to happen, over and over again. brooklyntocomedontplease

The feeling of Care- free

I haven't been going to class lately. Well, I have, but I didn't go to about three classes today. Part of the reason for that is that well, I waited for the bus this morning for a good 40 minutes, causing me to miss third period. Fourth period i have gym, and i absolutely despise that class. So i ended up going to lunch instead, with my old program card. I know, mad slickk =) lol. And for my last period class, I didn't go because well, my teacher was absent. I mean, I signed myself in and everything, so it's all cool. I promise, I'm never ever going to cut again, because I'll owe NL one dollar every time i do so :/ This week will be the last week.
So when I got out of school today, it was around 2:30. I decided to go to Chinatown with my good friend Harry =). I swear, that kid is hilarious.We are so indecisive, it's ridiculous lmao. Went to a good bunch of bakeries until we finally settled in Quickly's. We ordered some sort of taro thingy, and it tasted reallly good. It was like my first time trying it too! I know, what a lame Asian. And he paid, cos he's a "nice guy". lmao thanks Harry =) The tapioca was greeen! After that, I went to Sam's place, cos I've been dying to go there LOL. And I needed to pick something up. Ginger is the cutest thing ever <3but she be barkin' at me like non-stop, waggin' her tail. rofl love that dog =).
Today has been a pretty good day, overall. Although I was thinking a heck lot about things, the day was pretty carefree. Surprisingly, I got home at a decent time, without momma yelling at me, wooh. I need more of these days, and I gotta feelin' it's gonna come, 'cos break is just around the corner<3

Time

Never give up on love. Even if everything you have worked for has been flushed down the drain, know that there are plenty of other people out there. Even if you had lost hope on love, always remember that it will always be there, somewhere in the rubble, where you lost that little speck of hope.
I have realized that time changes everything; from people's appearances to the way they act towards others. But change is inevitable, it will eventually happen even if you try to stop it.
Welps, a lot of change and inevitably happened during these few months. People lose and gain, and they move on. People stab others in the back, while others act like total jerks. While all this is going on, some others may have formed unbelievable friendships that would last a lifetime, while other friendships get torn down because of one little incident. Long story short, all of these scenarios have happened to me in these few months. I'm surprised that I've completed so much in such a short period of time. I've completed two of my songs, got back to "writing/drawing", made a countless amount of friends that have been there for me, found out who were "real and fake", re-organized my room, went karaoke with a few of my besties, and saved 50 bucks.
I have decided to start fresh this year. Trying to leave behind all that has happened last year, but for sure I'm taking some things with me. I'm sure new conflicts will arise, but hey, it's life and you learn from your problems for what to do next time. Friends come and go, but you gotta' hold onto them friendships if you really want it. And sometimes when you do hold onto them, your friend might think the other, and let go, completely.
Another thing that I have realized in these few months is that, letting go is one of the most difficult things to do. No matter who it is dealt with, no matter what the scenario, it's tough. It's hard, being with someone or something for such a great amount of time, then having to say good-bye the next day.
But hey, what do I know. I'm just some kid venting my thoughts and feelings through some stupid blog that no one reads.